if you’re gonna put music on during sex make sure it’s a live album so people clap for you every five minutes
(via lacigreen)
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my new vid includes:
✔ peeing in the woods
✔ almost falling out of a tree
✔ ranting about virginity, hymens, & why it’s all fucked up -
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- society: oh you have your period? well you have two options.
- woman: okay.
- society: you can use sanitary pads, which make you feel like you are wearing a diaper, and have the added fun benefit of being extremely uncomfortable and give you the extreme paranoia that they will not be enough coverage and at any moment with any movement or sudden sneeze you'll bleed over onto your clothes and walk around all day with blood stained trousers while everyone points and laughs at you.
- woman: sounds awful. what's my second option.
- society: a penis shaped wad of cotton that you shove uncomfortably inside yourself and it catches the blood before it leaves your body.
- woman: still seems pretty awful.
- society: wait! it gets better! there's the outside chance that using those will kill you!
- woman: well, are they at least free? like how men can have access to free condoms? i mean, it's not like i'm choosing for this to happen.
- society: HAHAHA! that's funny. no, you have to pay for them. and they're really fucking expensive.
- woman:
- society: oh, and if you tell anyone that you ARE on your period, your judgement, opinions, and reactions are going to be dismissed as the crazy ramblings of a lunatic.
- woman:
- society:
- woman: i think i'll go with my third option.
- society:
- woman:
- society: what third option?
- woman: i think i'll bleed on everything you love.
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why are blonde jokes so short?
so men can remember them
this took an unexpected turn
Not if you just asked for directions.
(Source: sendificator, via mydrunkkitchen)
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I understand that you know I’m independent and that I can deal with things myself, but you’d think a mother would give a few shits about sending their kid overseas for two weeks.
